Bury but remember | Coffin calls

As the headline suggests in a really grotesque way, I have someone to bury. I have lost my last grandparent, who is related to me by blood. I'm still not sure how to react to it, just like I didn't know how to react when first of them died (or actually second, since I never got to know my fathers father).

It's weird. I do not believe in heaven or hell, but if there is any kind of afterlife, my grandparents are finally together now. All four of them. Especially I have felt sad for my mothers father; he lost his love a long time ago, but then again. Where ever they are, they are all together now.

I have talked about death especially to one of my co-workers. He wants to be frozen so he can maybe wake up later. I think that's sick but I kind of see his point in it. Or then he's just messing with me, which isn't that rare. I myself don't want to live too long, if you know what I mean.

I don't know which is more devilish; having clear mind and body failing or ending up with half of the brain working every three days, having one day of clear sense. Both seem nasty, cruel and heart-breaking to anyone around.

In my future, I hope that Euthanasia is legal. That I have a choice, or people around me can deside to pull the plug before I'm too lost in somewhere. I do understand that it hurts, but I don't want to be a nuisance or even worse; not being able to understand what's around me.

But then again. Maybe science evolves to the point that I can't ever reach the graveyard. Although I hope that someday I can finally rest in piece.